Sleepy eyes adjust the water...
Anticipating a soft spray...
Enhanced by heated thoughts of...
Conversations recapturing the day...
Waiting for me...
As it waited yesterday...
With one thousand cups of coffee...
To change the course of what cannot be....
Numbness awakens with little splashes...
Warm and caressing when trouble lashes...
Mine eyes shut softly and head tilted slightly...
While soap suds silkens worries not wanted...
Soothing all that is not right...
Five more minutes just- five more minutes...
To forget how weary was the night...
Five more minutes before the day begins again...
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
If You Are Thinking About Suicide,,, Read It First...
If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.
I don't know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you're reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.
I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won't argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.
Well, you're still reading, and that's very good. I'd like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you're at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let's hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.
That's all it's about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn't even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.
Don't accept it if someone tells you, "that's not enough to be suicidal about." There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.
When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.
You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things:
(a) Find a way to reduce your pain;
(b) Find a way to increase your coping resources.
Both are possible.
5. Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.
I don't know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you're reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.
I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won't argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.
Well, you're still reading, and that's very good. I'd like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you're at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let's hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.
Start by considering this statement:
"Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds
resources for coping with pain."
That's all it's about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn't even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.
Don't accept it if someone tells you, "that's not enough to be suicidal about." There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.
When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.
You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things:
(a) Find a way to reduce your pain;
(b) Find a way to increase your coping resources.
Both are possible.
Now I want to tell you five things to think about.
1. You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.
2. Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, "I will wait 24 hours before I do anything." Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn't mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it's just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.
3. People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.
4. Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.
Well, it's been a few minutes and you're still with me. I'm really glad.
Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.
Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won't be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It's time to start looking around for one of them.
Now: I'd like you to call someone.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Zaroori to nahi...
Tum Ko Bhi Hum Se Itni Mohabbat Ho Jitni Humein Tum Se Zaroori To Nahi...
Ek Si Dono Ki Haalat Ho Zaroori To Nahi...
Dil Ki Chahat To Kai Khwaab Jagaa Deti Hai...
Jo Mere Khwaab Hon Woh Tere Bhi Hon Zaroori To Nahi...
Jo Tere Khwaab Hon Woh Mere Bhi Hon Zaroori To Nahi..
Haan Magar Saath Mein Kismat Ho Zaroori To Nahi...
Meri Tanhaaiyaan Karti Hain Jinhein Yaad Sada...
Un Ko Bhi Meri Zaroorat Ho Zaroori To Nahi...
Muskurane Se Bhi Hota Hai Bayaan Gham-E-Dil...
Hum Ko Bhi Rone Ki Aadat Ho Zaroori Tu Nahi...!!!
Ek Si Dono Ki Haalat Ho Zaroori To Nahi...
Dil Ki Chahat To Kai Khwaab Jagaa Deti Hai...
Jo Mere Khwaab Hon Woh Tere Bhi Hon Zaroori To Nahi...
Jo Tere Khwaab Hon Woh Mere Bhi Hon Zaroori To Nahi..
Haan Magar Saath Mein Kismat Ho Zaroori To Nahi...
Meri Tanhaaiyaan Karti Hain Jinhein Yaad Sada...
Un Ko Bhi Meri Zaroorat Ho Zaroori To Nahi...
Muskurane Se Bhi Hota Hai Bayaan Gham-E-Dil...
Hum Ko Bhi Rone Ki Aadat Ho Zaroori Tu Nahi...!!!
For Yashi...
Tumse Kitni Mohabbat Hai Ye Me Bata Nahi Sakta,
Apni Zindagi Me Tumhari Ehmiyat Jata Nahi Sakta...
Meri Zindagi Ka Har Lamha Tumhi Se Shuru Hota Hai,
Tumse Door Reh Ke Ek Pal Bhi Akele Bita Nahi Sakta...
Mumkin Hai Main Khud Ko Bhool Jaun Par,
Tujhe Bhoolne Ki Khata May Kar Nahi Sakta...
Tum Mere Dil Me Hi Nahi Mere Rom-Rom Me Base Ho,
Tumse Bichhad Ke Main Ye Zindagi Jee Nahi Sakta...
Yekeen Nahi Hota Ki Tum Chahte Nahi Humein,
Apne Dard Ko Apni Zubaan Se Bayaan Kar Nahi Sakta...
Aaj Vaada Hai Mere Dil Se Ae Mere Sanam,
Tumhare Siva Me Kisi Aur Ko Chah Nahi Sakta...
Tum Zindagi Ho Meri Tumhare Bina Mera Dil Dhadak Nahi Sakta,
Saath Tumhare Mein Hamesha Rahuga Itna Samajh Lo,
Jo Tum Saath Nahi To Ye Ashi Bhi Jee Nahi Sakta...
Apni Zindagi Me Tumhari Ehmiyat Jata Nahi Sakta...
Meri Zindagi Ka Har Lamha Tumhi Se Shuru Hota Hai,
Tumse Door Reh Ke Ek Pal Bhi Akele Bita Nahi Sakta...
Mumkin Hai Main Khud Ko Bhool Jaun Par,
Tujhe Bhoolne Ki Khata May Kar Nahi Sakta...
Tum Mere Dil Me Hi Nahi Mere Rom-Rom Me Base Ho,
Tumse Bichhad Ke Main Ye Zindagi Jee Nahi Sakta...
Yekeen Nahi Hota Ki Tum Chahte Nahi Humein,
Apne Dard Ko Apni Zubaan Se Bayaan Kar Nahi Sakta...
Aaj Vaada Hai Mere Dil Se Ae Mere Sanam,
Tumhare Siva Me Kisi Aur Ko Chah Nahi Sakta...
Tum Zindagi Ho Meri Tumhare Bina Mera Dil Dhadak Nahi Sakta,
Saath Tumhare Mein Hamesha Rahuga Itna Samajh Lo,
Jo Tum Saath Nahi To Ye Ashi Bhi Jee Nahi Sakta...
Kabhi...
Koi aansu mere daman pe gira kar to dekho,
Main patthar nahi hoon mujhe chhu kar to dekho...
Tere kadmon ki aahat se dhadakta hai dil,
Main zinda hoon kabhi mujhe hila kar to dekho...
Phool banke bichh jaunga tumhari raahon mein,
Ek baar mujhe seene se laga kar to dekho...
Bhool jaoge tum dunia bhar ki ronakon ko,
Kabhi mere soone ghar main aa kar to dekho...
Mehak uthogi tum gulab ki tarah dekhna,
Kisi roz mujhe apne tan se laga kar to dekho...
Ho jaogi tum komal se paawan or nirmal,
Kabhi mere aasuon main naha kar to dekho...
Door kar doonga main andhere teri zindagi ke,
Diye ki tarah kabhi mujhe jala kar to dekho...
Ham ko di hai jo tune pyar bhari dunia,
Kabhi fursat mile to us mein aa kar to dekho...!!!
Main patthar nahi hoon mujhe chhu kar to dekho...
Tere kadmon ki aahat se dhadakta hai dil,
Main zinda hoon kabhi mujhe hila kar to dekho...
Phool banke bichh jaunga tumhari raahon mein,
Ek baar mujhe seene se laga kar to dekho...
Bhool jaoge tum dunia bhar ki ronakon ko,
Kabhi mere soone ghar main aa kar to dekho...
Mehak uthogi tum gulab ki tarah dekhna,
Kisi roz mujhe apne tan se laga kar to dekho...
Ho jaogi tum komal se paawan or nirmal,
Kabhi mere aasuon main naha kar to dekho...
Door kar doonga main andhere teri zindagi ke,
Diye ki tarah kabhi mujhe jala kar to dekho...
Ham ko di hai jo tune pyar bhari dunia,
Kabhi fursat mile to us mein aa kar to dekho...!!!
Ek Chehra...
Ek chehra jo mere khwaab sajaa deta hai,
Mujh ko mere hi khayaalon mein sadaa deta hai...
Wo mera kaun hai maloom nahi hai lekin,
Jab bhi milta hai to pehlu mein jagaa deta hai...
Main jo toot ke bikhroon to wahi mujh ko,
Chhune ke liye haath badhaa deta hai...
Main jo tanhaa kabhi chupke se bhi rona chaahun,
To Dil ke darwaaze ki zanjeer hila deta hai...
Us ki qurbat mein hai kya baat na jaane,
Ek lamhe ke liye sadiyon ko bhula deta hai...!!!
-Ashi
Mujh ko mere hi khayaalon mein sadaa deta hai...
Wo mera kaun hai maloom nahi hai lekin,
Jab bhi milta hai to pehlu mein jagaa deta hai...
Main jo toot ke bikhroon to wahi mujh ko,
Chhune ke liye haath badhaa deta hai...
Main jo tanhaa kabhi chupke se bhi rona chaahun,
To Dil ke darwaaze ki zanjeer hila deta hai...
Us ki qurbat mein hai kya baat na jaane,
Ek lamhe ke liye sadiyon ko bhula deta hai...!!!
-Ashi
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Shikayat Ye Nahi Ke, Wo Naraz Hai Hamse
Muskurane Ka Hak Bhi Cheena, Is Baat Ka Gam Hai
Shikayat Ye Nahi Ke, Dil Pe Mere Zahakam Diya
Karahane Ka Hak Bhi Cheena, Bas Is Baat Ka Gam Hai
Shikayat Ye Nahi Ke, Gairo Se Milte Hai Wo Has Ke
Par Mulakatein Hoti Hai Kabr Pe Meri, Bas Is Baat Ka Gam Hai
Shikayat Ye Nahi Ke, Giraya Hamein Apni Hi Nazron Mein
Zamin Bhi Na Chodi Girne Ko, Bas Is Baat Ka Gam Hai
Ja Mera Dil Todne Wale, Har Khushi Meri Tujhpe Qurban
Maang Lena Zarurat Pe Jaan Bhi,Ke Tere Sadke Pe Hum Hai...
Muskurane Ka Hak Bhi Cheena, Is Baat Ka Gam Hai
Shikayat Ye Nahi Ke, Dil Pe Mere Zahakam Diya
Karahane Ka Hak Bhi Cheena, Bas Is Baat Ka Gam Hai
Shikayat Ye Nahi Ke, Gairo Se Milte Hai Wo Has Ke
Par Mulakatein Hoti Hai Kabr Pe Meri, Bas Is Baat Ka Gam Hai
Shikayat Ye Nahi Ke, Giraya Hamein Apni Hi Nazron Mein
Zamin Bhi Na Chodi Girne Ko, Bas Is Baat Ka Gam Hai
Ja Mera Dil Todne Wale, Har Khushi Meri Tujhpe Qurban
Maang Lena Zarurat Pe Jaan Bhi,Ke Tere Sadke Pe Hum Hai...
:)
Kuch is qadr kho gaye hum unki nigahon mein...
Jaise samet liya kisi ne apni baahon mein...
Wo the thode khush aur thode nirash...
Kash qaid kar pate unhe apni panahon mein...
Tha koi dard chhupaya unhone apni aankhon mein...
Jaise band ho koi khushbu in hawaaon mein...
Hum chahte to pal me toot ke bikhar jate...
Par chaha hai hamesha unhe apni chaahon mein...
Humein lootna to chaha kai balaaon ne...
Jaise sagar samete lehrein apni gaahon mein...
Gar paana hota to paa lete sara jahan...
Par maanga hmesha unhe hi apni duaaon mein...
-Ashi
Jaise samet liya kisi ne apni baahon mein...
Wo the thode khush aur thode nirash...
Kash qaid kar pate unhe apni panahon mein...
Tha koi dard chhupaya unhone apni aankhon mein...
Jaise band ho koi khushbu in hawaaon mein...
Hum chahte to pal me toot ke bikhar jate...
Par chaha hai hamesha unhe apni chaahon mein...
Humein lootna to chaha kai balaaon ne...
Jaise sagar samete lehrein apni gaahon mein...
Gar paana hota to paa lete sara jahan...
Par maanga hmesha unhe hi apni duaaon mein...
-Ashi
Monday, April 19, 2010
A Converation... (Between Me & my Friend Preeti)
On 17th April 20X... Near about 12 midnight.. I was online and suddenly my School friend Preeti came online! We started chatting. It ws after a long time we interacted! Slowly the conversation took turn towards Shayari.. and it started like this... She said...
Preeti: Tujhko paa lene mein ab wo betaab kaifiyat kahan...
Zindagi to wo thi jo teri justujoo mein guzar gayi...
_____________________________________________________________________
After a while... i joined her... And... Here... :)
Preeti: Main tum ko dekh ke har baat bhool jaati hun...
tumhi batao mujhe tumse kaam kya kya hain...
Ashish: Tumhe dekh kar to raaste bhi bhul gya hun....
Tum hi bata do hamare maqam kya kya hain...
Humne to tujhse milne ko jaan hazir ki hai...
Tu bhi bata de meri maiyyat k tere paas intezam kya kya hain...
Preeti: Waqt-e-rukhsat usne mud kar kuch is tarah dekha....
Ke main dil pe haath na rakhti to mera dil nikal jaata...
Ashish: Waah!!!
Preeti: Now comes one of the best lines i have ever heard in my whole life..!
Ashish: Irshaad!
Preeti: Daira hai ki tootta hi nahin...
Main khud se niklun to tumse baat karun...
Ashish: Ab yun nahi milti khushi har mod pe...
Kabhi lab-e-tarannum bikhre to tumse baaat karun...
Preeti: Ik umar se aadat hai tere sham-o-saher ki...
Ab kaun teri yaad ke mamool se nikle.....
Ashish: Yun to fariyad sabhi karte hain khuda se...
Par wo hi ek phool hai jo babool se nikle...
Preeti: awesome...
wo hi ek phool hai jo babool se nikle..
Ashish: Wo lafz hi kya jo befizool nikle...
Preeti: Wo kya gaya ke rafaaqat ke saare lutf gaye...
Mein kis se rooth sakungi, kise manaungi...
Ashish: Kya baat hai!!!!
Aaj mera Ghalib jaga diya tune...
Preeti: :)
Preeti: Palat kar na aajaye fir saans nabzon me...
Itne haseen hathon se maiyyat saja raha hai koi...
Ashish: Hum khush hain apne janaaze me sahrik hoke...
Ke is rukhsat-e-mehfil ko dekh kar bhi muskura rha hai koi...
Preeti: Hum tumse kya maange lage wafa ka takaaza de kar.....
Yahan to na ashk aur na muskurahatein wafadaar hain...
Ashish: Ab har mod pe saudagar khade hain...
Yahan ek phool ke kai maali daavedaar hain...
Preeti: Wohi likhne padhne ka shauq tha, wohi likhne padhne ka shauq hai...
Tera naam likhna kitaab mein, tera naam padhna kitaab mein...
Preeti: Dil dhadakne ka sabab yaad aaya...
Wo teri yaad thi ab yaad aaya...
Ashish: Dil ne kaha ab kyun muskura rhe ho...
Wo teri hi baat thi ab yaad aaya...
Preeti: Mana Ki Muhabbat Ka Chupana Bhi Hai Muhabbat..
Chupake Se Kisi Roz Yeh Jatane Ke Liye Aaa...!
Ashish: Mana ki hogi puri meri har hasrat...
Chupke se kisi roz yeh jatane ke liye aaa...
It was a lovely conversation...
Now Preeti ended the session with these lines...
Preeti: Aur Kuch Der Na Guzare Shab-e-Furqat Se Kaho..
Dil Bhii Kam Dukhataa Hai Vo Yaad Bhii Kam Aate Hain!
Preeti: Ek baat juda mujh mein, ek baat juda tujh mein...
Mein saaye say Jalta hoon, tu aag ka saaya hai.
:)
Preeti: Tujhko paa lene mein ab wo betaab kaifiyat kahan...
Zindagi to wo thi jo teri justujoo mein guzar gayi...
_____________________________________________________________________
After a while... i joined her... And... Here... :)
Preeti: Main tum ko dekh ke har baat bhool jaati hun...
tumhi batao mujhe tumse kaam kya kya hain...
Ashish: Tumhe dekh kar to raaste bhi bhul gya hun....
Tum hi bata do hamare maqam kya kya hain...
Humne to tujhse milne ko jaan hazir ki hai...
Tu bhi bata de meri maiyyat k tere paas intezam kya kya hain...
Preeti: Waqt-e-rukhsat usne mud kar kuch is tarah dekha....
Ke main dil pe haath na rakhti to mera dil nikal jaata...
Ashish: Waah!!!
Preeti: Now comes one of the best lines i have ever heard in my whole life..!
Ashish: Irshaad!
Preeti: Daira hai ki tootta hi nahin...
Main khud se niklun to tumse baat karun...
Ashish: Ab yun nahi milti khushi har mod pe...
Kabhi lab-e-tarannum bikhre to tumse baaat karun...
Preeti: Ik umar se aadat hai tere sham-o-saher ki...
Ab kaun teri yaad ke mamool se nikle.....
Ashish: Yun to fariyad sabhi karte hain khuda se...
Par wo hi ek phool hai jo babool se nikle...
Preeti: awesome...
wo hi ek phool hai jo babool se nikle..
Ashish: Wo lafz hi kya jo befizool nikle...
Preeti: Wo kya gaya ke rafaaqat ke saare lutf gaye...
Mein kis se rooth sakungi, kise manaungi...
Ashish: Kya baat hai!!!!
Aaj mera Ghalib jaga diya tune...
Preeti: :)
Preeti: Palat kar na aajaye fir saans nabzon me...
Itne haseen hathon se maiyyat saja raha hai koi...
Ashish: Hum khush hain apne janaaze me sahrik hoke...
Ke is rukhsat-e-mehfil ko dekh kar bhi muskura rha hai koi...
Preeti: Hum tumse kya maange lage wafa ka takaaza de kar.....
Yahan to na ashk aur na muskurahatein wafadaar hain...
Ashish: Ab har mod pe saudagar khade hain...
Yahan ek phool ke kai maali daavedaar hain...
Preeti: Wohi likhne padhne ka shauq tha, wohi likhne padhne ka shauq hai...
Tera naam likhna kitaab mein, tera naam padhna kitaab mein...
Preeti: Dil dhadakne ka sabab yaad aaya...
Wo teri yaad thi ab yaad aaya...
Ashish: Dil ne kaha ab kyun muskura rhe ho...
Wo teri hi baat thi ab yaad aaya...
Preeti: Mana Ki Muhabbat Ka Chupana Bhi Hai Muhabbat..
Chupake Se Kisi Roz Yeh Jatane Ke Liye Aaa...!
Ashish: Mana ki hogi puri meri har hasrat...
Chupke se kisi roz yeh jatane ke liye aaa...
It was a lovely conversation...
Now Preeti ended the session with these lines...
Preeti: Aur Kuch Der Na Guzare Shab-e-Furqat Se Kaho..
Dil Bhii Kam Dukhataa Hai Vo Yaad Bhii Kam Aate Hain!
Preeti: Ek baat juda mujh mein, ek baat juda tujh mein...
Mein saaye say Jalta hoon, tu aag ka saaya hai.
:)
Thursday, April 8, 2010
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